i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
