Please, let me fuck your mom
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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