At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
