If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
