Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
