my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
