How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
