Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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