So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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