Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
