Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
