I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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