Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
