I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
