ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
