I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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