he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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