she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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