didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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