drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize