they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
