Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
