I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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