I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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