So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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