Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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