there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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