I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
