last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
