I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
