Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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