my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
