I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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