I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
