I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
