good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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