I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
