@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
