The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
