You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He passed out mid-signature
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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