I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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