do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
