I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize