Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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