he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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