Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
