They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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