Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i drank out of a bidet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
