No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
