38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
