Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
