Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
