i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
