so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
