No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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