And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
