your parents love me but you hate me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
