I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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