so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
