She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
