Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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