I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
