So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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