So drunk its hurt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
