he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
