Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i will never coherently bang her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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