Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
