for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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