I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
