I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
