No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
