You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
