My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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