Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
