You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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