Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
