If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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