Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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