GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
