I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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