is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
