what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
