theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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