tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
