If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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