Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
