goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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